I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
