I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
