In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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