Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
