grandma shit on top of the toilet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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