jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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