are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
