Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
