i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
