I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize