I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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