id be glad to
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
