question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize