She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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