bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
