Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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