Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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