you have to choose: penises or morals?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
