She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
