I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we should paint friendship bongs
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