I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
