i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You have to summon your inner elephant
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
