you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
