I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
