u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
