he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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