Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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