Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
