Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
