I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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