It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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