Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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