I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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