guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
