Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
