dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
