I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
