He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
