the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
