He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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