Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
