Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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