guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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