3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize