Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
