And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
