Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
