Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
