I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
