they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
