Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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