Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
