I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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