Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
