I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
