ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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