Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize