jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
