I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize