i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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