He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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