i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
