tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
