I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
