It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm like, not good at living.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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