STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
