sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
