strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
