You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
